Far too many people erroneously see a happy relationship as something that is a matter of luck or destiny. Another dangerous assumption is the belief that we can eventually fall "out" of love. That could not be further from the truth. The reality is, love takes work and effort. The loving, harmonious relationship we all dream of is actually more about understanding the healthy skills and interpersonal strategies that make it work. When we do the work, it can be amazing! So what do happy couples do differently?
They make time for one another
We all need to feel like a priority to the people we love and since we tend to spend the most time with the things we love, spending time together reinforces that idea. Happy couples understand this concept. While these couples are just as busy and have just as many everyday concerns as others, they put their relationship first, no matter how hectic things get. They make a commitment to spend time together, ask each other about their day, and listen to one another as they share. They communicate openly and make the effort to reach out to their partner during the day, even when they are busy. It is amazing how valuable a short phone call or a quick text message can be to your relationship.
They meet each other half way
Every single one of us prefers to go through life having things done our way. It's a fact of human nature. However, as you know, this is simply an unrealistic expectation. Having a harmonious life and being in relationship means learning to compromise and consider others when making decisions. Happy couples have mastered the art of compromising when necessary, and even sometimes giving in as is needed to work through disagreements. Happy couples have learned that it is much more important to be in "relationship" than to be "right." They know that fulfilling lives and successful relationships capable of standing the test of time are based on teamwork, not competition.
They make sure their actions back up their words
Actions really do speak louder than words. While many couples have no trouble saying that they love each other, their actions often show otherwise. Happy couples don't just say "I love you," they show it. They do this in many different little and big ways. They delight in looking for ways to please their loved one, to brighten their day, and to put them first.
They focus on the positive
Even in happy relationships, we irritate one another. It's a guarantee. After all, no one gets along 100% of the time and perfect relationships do not exist. We disagree and will likely disagree often. However, happy couples tend to focus more on what they love about the other person and about the relationship. They acknowledge the reality that while each has both good and bad qualities, they make a conscious decision to see the best in the person they love and let the good have a much greater impact on their overall feelings about the relationship.
They shoot each other straight
Happy couples aren't shy when it comes to telling their partners how they feel. They communicate issues right away instead of letting them build up and get ignored, and they do this in a diplomatic way that considers their partner's feelings. They are also willing to speak up when their partner makes them happy. If they are touched by a gesture, they say so. If something hurts their feelings, they say so. Happy couples understand that communicating thoughts and feelings to one another is a crucial aspect of a successful relationship.
They love their partners on a level that is more than skin deep
While it goes without saying that physical attraction is important, happy couples are also attracted to one another for more than just appearance. Looks fade and bodies change over time. Lasting relationships are built between people that share common interests, have similar visions for the future, and enjoy the same outlook on the important things in life. There is an openness and vulnerability that each is willing to share with the other. That's when a relationship can go deeper and become more fulfilling.
Cultivating a happy, healthy, lasting partnership is challenging to be sure, but it's far from impossible. At the end of the day, success is just as much about approaching a partnership from the right angle and working together as it is about finding a compatible partner in the first place. By recognizing these six aspects of a happy couple, you are well on your way to having the relationship you truly want.
If, however, you find these things are not happening in your current relationship, consider couples counseling. Much of what we learn about how to be in a relationship is learned in childhood. It is not that you are bad at relationships, it could simply be that you had poor role models, and they were poor role models because their parents were poor role models, and so on. But, through counseling, you can stop the cycle and not pass these same negative relationship patterns down to your children. Finding a good counselor is crucial and through it, you will learn many easy, simple strategies on how to communicate better and be in relationship with one another. As long as you are both willing, you can't go wrong!
If, however, you find these things are not happening in your current relationship, consider couples counseling. Much of what we learn about how to be in a relationship is learned in childhood. It is not that you are bad at relationships, it could simply be that you had poor role models, and they were poor role models because their parents were poor role models, and so on. But, through counseling, you can stop the cycle and not pass these same negative relationship patterns down to your children. Finding a good counselor is crucial and through it, you will learn many easy, simple strategies on how to communicate better and be in relationship with one another. As long as you are both willing, you can't go wrong!
