GUY FEAR #1: My sexual desires are not okay
I won’t tell you that old thing about how guys want way more sex than women do, because it’s actually not true. Women want it, we just want it under different terms. He just… wants it. Every possible way he can imagine it. With your sister, your mom, the librarian (definitely the librarian), the teenager snapping her gum behind the cash register. He’s even had a dirty fantasy about that weird shopping cart lady.
Sex movies of every description (multiple lovers, bondage, fetish, you name it) run in his brain nearly all the time, and sometimes what’s showing on the screen shocks even him.
Deep down, he’s terrified that he wants sex too much, or in the wrong ways, with the wrong people. His sex drive is a formidable machine, and it’s a testament to his power that he doesn’t let it drive his life, only his brain.
What you can do to help him
Creating an atmosphere of openness in your intimate life with him is the first step in making him feel less scared about his sexual desire. I’m not saying you have to do everything that he thinks about, but be willing to ask him to talk about his fantasies. Invite him to give you steamy details. Even the act of sharing can be a tremendous gift of sexual energy between the two of you.
Help him learn to make you the star of his sexual mind shows, even if all you do is tell him a dirty story during foreplay.
And finally, don’t forget to let him know you’re sexually satisfied! If you can do this, he’s going to become so riveted by you he’ll never want to let you go. EVERY man wants to know he can sexually satisfy a woman.
GUY FEAR #2: Other men will think I’m weak
You gotta feel for the men of our world. They’re expected to get a respectable paycheck, make us feel secure, (not think about sex so much), beat out the other guys, support the winning team, be tough, overcome all the obstacles in their way, scare away the bad guys and never show fatigue, fear, or anything except sheer strength and confidence.
It’s a lot to live up to. It’s impossible to live up to, actually.
And yet that’s the challenge they hear every single day. And if they don’t answer it – actually DOMINATE it – their fear is that they will be publicly shamed, humiliated, despised… Not so much by you or by other women (although they hate the idea of that, too), but by other men.
But that doesn’t mean you don’t have power. Every man wants a woman who is unreservedly, whole-heartedly on his side. Your support actually adds to his power in the world of other men.
What you can do to help him
I have a question for you: if he’s fighting away on the field of his life, do you ever even show up at his game? And if you do, can he hear your enthusiastic, genuine support for him?
I’m not saying you have to actually get out your cheerleader skirt and shimmy and shout (although he’ll probably appreciate that, see #1 above!), but there is a way to let him know you’re seeing how hard he works, and you want him to win.
Encourage him to tell you about his daily battles. Lean in and attentively soak up every bit. Ask for details. Don’t multitask while you’re doing this, give him your full focus. Be his raving fan.
And offer him your sincere admiration. Let him know how strong you find him, how amazing his accomplishments and abilities are. If you can make him feel like you believe in him and are on his side no matter what, you are going to make him addicted to you.
